Perfect...

Today has been a strange day. I was definitely having flashbacks of elementary school and junior high as I listened to the Simple Plan albums. Why was I listening to Simple Plan? I'm not sure, I just get in moods sometimes.

 

"Perfect" is scarily accurate to the relationship I have had with my own father. I know he loves me, and I love him too, but I know I've never been good enough for him. I want to make him proud, but he always wants more. That's not fair to expect of someone...especially as a child. I remember I always tried so hard. I always bent and caved to his every wish and command. I hung on to his every word, hurtful or uplifting, and didn't ever question him. I thought it was the right thing to do; I didn't know any better. As I got older, I started piecing things together and figuring him out.

 

He is the dad. He is right, always. He is in control. He is in charge. He is the dad.

 

While that's fine and dandy and I respect him because he is my father, he is not always right. His ideas are not always right. His open-ended promises and misleading words were just some of the things that pushed me away and made me realize that the deep trust I once had in him was being uprooted...that it needed to be uprooted.

 

Anyway, sorry to vent. I'd rather not continue. So, HERE is a link to the video and here are the lyrics.

 

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect